So, I have finished my first proper year at uni. It's been......difficult. I don't really know where to go from here. I had little motivation to do anything related to photography and even less now I've been off since June. I get 'half' opportunities now and then, like a snippet of luck to do some work for this magazine my sister and her friends run but that gets taken away from me because of people more lazy than me. People let me down all the time but most of all I let myself down. My diet has gone to pot, as it usually does after a week or two and so the waist band is expanding again, just another example of letting myself down, yet i do nothing about it all, even despite a nudge every now and then by my boyfriend who, doesn't enjoy the backlash of a moody me when said nudge is applied! I am fat, I'm bordering on obese, I am an OK photographer, nothing special in that department and I have found that rather hard to stomach through this year of rather a lot of self loathing. There is one good thing in my life thou, after all this moaning and bitching, Aaron! He is the one pushing me despite me snapping at him when he does. I would have left uni and given up, as I usually do and would probably be morbidly obese and about 30stone by now if it wasn't for him. I would still be living with mother. I would be a poor excuse of a human being if not for him dragging me kicking and screaming back to reality!
We plan to buy a house together in a few years and settle down, which is one of the things keeping me going, life after uni with my amazing boyfriend, in our own house and maybe even with a couple or 3 kids, and so I dig deep and find the tiniest bit of motivation and I scrap it out from within, and I look to him for a hand to pull me along when I falter.
On a lighter note, we have some of Aaron's family coming to see the flat, I've been a busy bee making it feel like 'home' much to his annoyance and depletion of our bank acc. We have a couple of trips into London to look forward to. One being in the audience of Family Fortunes and the second a comedy night out for Aaron's birthday. I've been working for a few extra quid to help us out. It has been dull and so I have had time to catch up on some reading. I read the first installment of the Game of Thrones series that has been on telly. We didn't get to watch it cos SkyPlus ballsed up but we will catch the repeat that is guaranteed with anything on Sky channels.
I failed my study skills so I have to rewrite a 2500 word essay, which I started on yesterday, this also gives me something to do at work that they can't moan at me for because it will look like I actually have some work to do! I am hoping that by doing this essay now i can hand it in early and forget about it and find some kind of inspiration from it. I am changing the three images i used the first time around and going for a completely different spin on it all. I am using these images;
And so, to round off a rather random rambling on session, I have one small sentence to finish off.
Aaron, your love stops me from drowning, I love you lots!
